Urgent Press Release
Mr. Trump has decided that, given how criticized his hands' size are (see below), he will receive a hands-enhancement operation.
He soon will be undergoing a minor surgical intervention that will allow him to shake hands -- BIG HANDS, NOT JUST ONE BELOW-THE-FELT OF ONE HELL OF A BIG FINGER -- with a greater number of his millions of supporters who faithfully believe he should be so handled.
The operation will be performed in Moscow, courtesy of Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin, a sincere admirer of our hand-some billionaire mogul.
Thanks to the wonders of post-Soviet medicine, Mr. "new-hands" Trump will implement his desire be a "hands-on" president.
Meanwhile, please take note of the Trump family's sincere, humanitarian concern with protecting our hands from inclement weather:
www.vanityfair.com/culture/.../graydon-carter-donald-trumpThe myriad vulgarities of Donald Trump—examples of which are retailed daily on ... On all of them he has circled his hand in gold Sharpie in a valiant effort to ...
abcnews.go.com/Politics/history-donald-trump-small-hands-insult/story?...Mar 4, 2016 - Trump Still Riled Up Over 'Little Hands' Insult From Years Ago.
www.gq.com/.../donald-trump-these-hands-are-small-i-know-but-the...Mar 22, 2016 - Donald "The Donald" Trump is probably going to be the Republican nominee. To a liberal, this is one of those things that seems like it might be ...
www.huffingtonpost.com/.../seven-things-about-don...Mar 27, 2016 - “People tell me all the time,” he told reporters, “how big and lovely my hands are.” Trump seems to be overly sensitive about his mitts, and it got ...
The Huffington Post
https://www.washingtonpost.com/.../donald-trump-my...Mar 21, 2016 - Trump was asked whether he regretted talking about the size of his hands -- and making an unmistakable allusion to his genitalia -- at a recent ...
The Washington Post
www.cnn.com/2016/03/08/health/trump-small-hands-penis/Mar 8, 2016 - Is there a real connection between hand size and penis size? Science says it's something a little more specific about your fingers that ...