Monday, May 23, 2016

Urgent Press Release: Donald Trump to receive Hands-enhancement Operation

image from

Urgent Press Release 

Mr. Trump has decided that, given how criticized his hands' size are (see below), he will receive a hands-enhancement operation.

He soon will be undergoing a minor surgical intervention that will allow him to shake hands  -- BIG HANDS, NOT JUST ONE BELOW-THE-FELT OF ONE HELL OF A BIG FINGER  -- with a greater number of his millions of supporters who faithfully believe he should be so handled.

The operation will be performed in Moscow, courtesy of Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin, a sincere admirer of our hand-some billionaire mogul.

Thanks to the wonders of post-Soviet medicine, Mr. "new-hands" Trump will implement his desire be a "hands-on" president.

Meanwhile, please take note of the Trump family's sincere, humanitarian concern with protecting our hands from inclement weather:

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Why Donald Trump Will Always Be a "Short-Fingered ... - Vanity Fair

Vanity Fair
The myriad vulgarities of Donald Trump—examples of which are retailed daily on ... On all of them he has circled his hand in gold Sharpie in a valiant effort to ...

The History Behind the Donald Trump 'Small Hands' Insult - ABC News
Mar 4, 2016 - Trump Still Riled Up Over 'Little Hands' Insult From Years Ago.

Haha Look at Donald Trump's Tiny Hands | GQ

Mar 22, 2016 - Donald "The Donald" Trump is probably going to be the Republican nominee. To a liberal, this is one of those things that seems like it might be ...

Seven Things About Trump Even Smaller Than His Tiny Hands

The Huffington Post
Mar 27, 2016 - “People tell me all the time,” he told reporters, “how big and lovely my hands are.” Trump seems to be overly sensitive about his mitts, and it got ...

Donald Trump: 'My hands are normal hands' - The Washington Post
The Washington Post
Mar 21, 2016 - Trump was asked whether he regretted talking about the size of his hands -- and making an unmistakable allusion to his genitalia -- at a recent ...

Trump: Do small hands equal small penis, or a myth? -

Mar 8, 2016 - Is there a real connection between hand size and penis size? Science says it's something a little more specific about your fingers that ...

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